Okay so today was a rough day. I'm learning how to eat better. I should have known it would have been a rough day as I flew out of the house this morning finishing up the cream cheese on celery. I'm so afraid that life will find me without "my food" on one of my scheduled times to eat. I eat every two hours. Today was a day with the family, which means I was brought into a Norwegian Cake Shop in Ballard. Its the best. Its a trip my family takes out there just to get these special treats. Its challenging to learn the most honorable traditions cause me to put stuff in my body that simply isn't good for me.
I have been working on eating better since March 3, 2012. I have lost 9 pounds so far. My biggest hurdle is thinking I'm not capable of losing the weight and I will fail eventually. So even this experience caused me to walk into a shop where there is nothing good for me and walk out with just my water bottle. Next on the Agenda was a hamburger joint. It is the best hamburger joint in Seattle, I felt obligated to eat. Yet I was saved by my family not having the right form of payment.
I love my family, dearly. I'm finally at the turning place in my life where 350 as a my weight simply isn't okay. I don't want to be this person, physically. I don't want to eat like its a activity. I want to learn what it feels like to be healthy. I have never been a healthy weight....well except when I was new born I suppose.
My night ended with me cutting a delicious cake for my family and not partaking in it. I was in tears and had to make a couple of calls. Don't worry, I told myself the excuses: You deserve it, you have lost 9 pounds, you haven't had any cheat days. The main reason why I don't give myself a cheat day is because I want to be healthy. Lets face it those sugary and salty snacks aren't good for my body's function. When I eat fish and vegetables my body needs that and uses that and isn't that what I'm eating for?
It took alot of encouraging and bible quoting today to realize, yes that is what I'm eating for and I can do this! With that I'm going to walk myself to the gym and use the nutrients and I have given myself today.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Monday, April 2, 2012
The misery that can be lossed
Wow, 2010 was my last entry that is just frightening. I think I just stopped cause my dreams got lost in the surgery room. It has been a rough couple of years for sure. I really wanted this to a place where I write down my battle with learning how to eat better and use my muscles!
One month ago income tax came in so I have a super cute hair cut and joined a boot camp. I weigh in at 353 lbs. The biggest I have ever been. In just three weeks I have lost 9lbs bringing me to 342lbs. I can feel the difference for sure. I'm learning how to think more positive about myself and negative about the Twinkies in the cupboard. I can climb the stairs and still breath once I'm done. I haven't quite got hiking down but I know I will get there.
I think I'm going to keep this blog short for now, I'm hoping to write all the minus and pluses as the days goes one. For now, all I know is I don't want to the big person who has to order their clothes on line cause they are just simply too big. Life is simply too short to be unhealthy and not get the maximum experience that God has intended it for.
One month ago income tax came in so I have a super cute hair cut and joined a boot camp. I weigh in at 353 lbs. The biggest I have ever been. In just three weeks I have lost 9lbs bringing me to 342lbs. I can feel the difference for sure. I'm learning how to think more positive about myself and negative about the Twinkies in the cupboard. I can climb the stairs and still breath once I'm done. I haven't quite got hiking down but I know I will get there.
I think I'm going to keep this blog short for now, I'm hoping to write all the minus and pluses as the days goes one. For now, all I know is I don't want to the big person who has to order their clothes on line cause they are just simply too big. Life is simply too short to be unhealthy and not get the maximum experience that God has intended it for.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Wheres my Sunset Dammit!
Life is good. I'm smiling. I have two new jobs. I'm friendly. Getting lots of hours. Keeping up with my writing. Meeting with a Professor about my career tomorrow. The sun is out and I have the day off. Doing laundry and getting the house clean.
Apearance can be everything sometimes. Even on this blog, I'm good at making "stuff" appear quite joyous; however, I have not lied to you. All these things are true.
I hate do overs in the middle of my life. According to books, studies and elders...I'm suppose to have this all together. There is suppose to be a fablous man, successful career and friends all around me.
Today, I am grieving the loss of my very chatic and drama filled life. Sure I wasn't the happiest nor was I close to being fulfilled; however, I knew what to expect every day.
So, as I venture off into my sunset I hope that I can get comfortable with being happy and content in my life. Making life decisions at the age of 29 is one of the most uncomfortable things for me to do. At the same token, I don't want to ride through jut any sunset; but, my sunset.
Apearance can be everything sometimes. Even on this blog, I'm good at making "stuff" appear quite joyous; however, I have not lied to you. All these things are true.
I hate do overs in the middle of my life. According to books, studies and elders...I'm suppose to have this all together. There is suppose to be a fablous man, successful career and friends all around me.
Today, I am grieving the loss of my very chatic and drama filled life. Sure I wasn't the happiest nor was I close to being fulfilled; however, I knew what to expect every day.
So, as I venture off into my sunset I hope that I can get comfortable with being happy and content in my life. Making life decisions at the age of 29 is one of the most uncomfortable things for me to do. At the same token, I don't want to ride through jut any sunset; but, my sunset.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Making my difference
I'm cautious of sounding like a Self-Help book; because, I'm getting help from being myself. I'm learning that who I am really is eneough. If I write, orginality comes out. If I relax and talk to people they are welcomed. When I use my smile and bubbliness to serve people around me they respond.
Why?
Well I think in 2010 people are truly looking for people that still give a shit. ( I apolize for my language; but, seriously what other words can have that affect.) Wheather its in a coffee shop, airport, clothing store or a movie theatre. Where are the people that return wallets? Personally, walk you through hard buying experiences? Open the door for you when a taxi pulls up? We hear stories after stories about the bad stuff. Kids dying, people left out in the trash or being washed up. Television is consumed with crime shows, dramatic sitcoms and reality shows. Where is the good in this rough society.
That is why I love working in Retail. I have the oppurtunity to redefine Customer Service for one person every day. Maybe, the customer isn't always right; however, they do deserve a smile and a "What are you up today?" No questions or actions solely to increase business or for that extra commission. I want interactions with people to make a differnce.
Again, this isn't a refernce quote or part of my resume. If I could get a employer to believe this prior to the interview....I would! This is usually how it goes....Uhhhh only 2 months in retail; not eneough experience. Now I have two jobs that involve customers and I'm happy to do whatI love....Impact people.
Why?
Well I think in 2010 people are truly looking for people that still give a shit. ( I apolize for my language; but, seriously what other words can have that affect.) Wheather its in a coffee shop, airport, clothing store or a movie theatre. Where are the people that return wallets? Personally, walk you through hard buying experiences? Open the door for you when a taxi pulls up? We hear stories after stories about the bad stuff. Kids dying, people left out in the trash or being washed up. Television is consumed with crime shows, dramatic sitcoms and reality shows. Where is the good in this rough society.
That is why I love working in Retail. I have the oppurtunity to redefine Customer Service for one person every day. Maybe, the customer isn't always right; however, they do deserve a smile and a "What are you up today?" No questions or actions solely to increase business or for that extra commission. I want interactions with people to make a differnce.
Again, this isn't a refernce quote or part of my resume. If I could get a employer to believe this prior to the interview....I would! This is usually how it goes....Uhhhh only 2 months in retail; not eneough experience. Now I have two jobs that involve customers and I'm happy to do whatI love....Impact people.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Becoming a Writer
Who would have thought writing can really be a chore. Does anyone else have a hard time being creative under a deadline? I have placed these goals under me like writing about a feeling, a mediation, blog and post something on Craiglist.
I wrote something last night and it was good but I'm not really sure. I find the best writing comes from my life. The good bad and ugly; however, it has to be in the moment. It seems that when I reflect on my life I try to sound like somebody else.....somebody with substnace.
Discovering my voice within my own words is one of the most challenging things to do; yet, the simlist at the same time. So for toady here are my thoughts:
The real Me
Scattered Thoughts
broadcasting intimacy
disfusing emotions
all on one piece of paper
Searching for uniquness
finding my difference
undcovering my indivuality
this iswho I am
Uncovering the bright pain
past the dark sunshine
cleaning the glossy view
I am an amazing person
In other words....this is who I am. Take or leave it. I can't be somebody I'm not anymore.
I wrote something last night and it was good but I'm not really sure. I find the best writing comes from my life. The good bad and ugly; however, it has to be in the moment. It seems that when I reflect on my life I try to sound like somebody else.....somebody with substnace.
Discovering my voice within my own words is one of the most challenging things to do; yet, the simlist at the same time. So for toady here are my thoughts:
The real Me
Scattered Thoughts
broadcasting intimacy
disfusing emotions
all on one piece of paper
Searching for uniquness
finding my difference
undcovering my indivuality
this iswho I am
Uncovering the bright pain
past the dark sunshine
cleaning the glossy view
I am an amazing person
In other words....this is who I am. Take or leave it. I can't be somebody I'm not anymore.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
The best things in Life
Okay, so its every girl dream to become successful. Have the man that as my mother put it, "Worships the ground you walk on". Have the career where they can't live without you cause you are that good at your job. Kids that aren't hard to take care of. No resentments or past failures.
Am I the only one with this thought?
For my own sake, I hope not! Today I'm finding myself feeling terrified of being capable, confident and optimisic about my future. I'm used to failing. It is a very comforting feeling.
To be a women and admit my failures I think takes alot of guts. I have screwed up friendships, pushed good meaning men away, and not trusted family. I have not lived up to my dream adulthood and quite frankly I have done a damn good job of screing it up. They say to be single in your 20s so you can live. What am I living for....another dead in job. More people that don't like me when I stop going to the parties. I think you need to be single in your 30s so you can figure out who you are.
Now at 29 I'm challenging myself to become a women who knows she is capable of making her dreams a reality. I want to write. I want people to read my writing and it to touch their lives in a way that encourges them to be someting different not just another joe walking down the street. I want a job where I meet new people, can spend time with family and impact my community in a postive way. People are precious even the old guy driving in front of you.
My name is Gabrielle and I'm worth getting to know. My dreams aren't meant to stay in my head. Its never too late to start over; even at 29.
Am I the only one with this thought?
For my own sake, I hope not! Today I'm finding myself feeling terrified of being capable, confident and optimisic about my future. I'm used to failing. It is a very comforting feeling.
To be a women and admit my failures I think takes alot of guts. I have screwed up friendships, pushed good meaning men away, and not trusted family. I have not lived up to my dream adulthood and quite frankly I have done a damn good job of screing it up. They say to be single in your 20s so you can live. What am I living for....another dead in job. More people that don't like me when I stop going to the parties. I think you need to be single in your 30s so you can figure out who you are.
Now at 29 I'm challenging myself to become a women who knows she is capable of making her dreams a reality. I want to write. I want people to read my writing and it to touch their lives in a way that encourges them to be someting different not just another joe walking down the street. I want a job where I meet new people, can spend time with family and impact my community in a postive way. People are precious even the old guy driving in front of you.
My name is Gabrielle and I'm worth getting to know. My dreams aren't meant to stay in my head. Its never too late to start over; even at 29.
Friday, April 30, 2010
OH MY G--
OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL i'M JUST PRETTY TICKLED THAT i HAVE AN AUDIENCE. GRANTED MY AUDIENCE IS ONE PERSON....WELL EXCEPT FOR MY OCCASIONAL FRIENDS AND FAMILY.
I THINK ITS THE TYPICAL WRITER IN ME....I GET EXCITED WHEN I KNOW SOMEONE ELSE IS LISTENING. THIS WEEK I HAVE ENTERTAINED THE IDEA OF ME GOING INTO BUSINESS, WRITING, AND WORKING WITH PEOPLE.
WHY DOES A JOB HAVE TO FEEL LIKE A JOB? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT HOW MUCH I GET PAID, PAID TIME OFF, THE PERKS, AND WHEN MY BENEFITS START.
I WANT A CAREER THAT MAKES A DIFFERNCE. I WANT TO INTERACT WITH CUSTOMERS AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I HAVE A TALENT: USING WORDS TO EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS. HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN WRITE AND LIKE TO WORK WITH PEOPLE. WHY HAVEN'T I PRUSED MY TALENT?
DON'T WORRY; NO TEST HERE. I'M TERRIFIED OF FAILING AND ENDING BACK INTO THE POSITION OF ASKING FOR THE OTHER 100 BUCKS FOR RENT. WITH THAT BEING SAID, I REALIZE I CAN ALSO BE HAPPIER THAN EVER BEFORE IF I STOP AND LET GO OF ONLY DREAMING ABOUT WRITING AND START TO MAKE IT MY REALITY.
NOBODY IS GOINGTO READ A EMAIL AND PUBLISH ME. LOL
I'M EXCITED FOR CHANGE!
QUESTION OF THE DAY?
IS THERE A CHANGE THAT SCARES YOU?
I THINK ITS THE TYPICAL WRITER IN ME....I GET EXCITED WHEN I KNOW SOMEONE ELSE IS LISTENING. THIS WEEK I HAVE ENTERTAINED THE IDEA OF ME GOING INTO BUSINESS, WRITING, AND WORKING WITH PEOPLE.
WHY DOES A JOB HAVE TO FEEL LIKE A JOB? WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT HOW MUCH I GET PAID, PAID TIME OFF, THE PERKS, AND WHEN MY BENEFITS START.
I WANT A CAREER THAT MAKES A DIFFERNCE. I WANT TO INTERACT WITH CUSTOMERS AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I HAVE A TALENT: USING WORDS TO EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS. HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN WRITE AND LIKE TO WORK WITH PEOPLE. WHY HAVEN'T I PRUSED MY TALENT?
DON'T WORRY; NO TEST HERE. I'M TERRIFIED OF FAILING AND ENDING BACK INTO THE POSITION OF ASKING FOR THE OTHER 100 BUCKS FOR RENT. WITH THAT BEING SAID, I REALIZE I CAN ALSO BE HAPPIER THAN EVER BEFORE IF I STOP AND LET GO OF ONLY DREAMING ABOUT WRITING AND START TO MAKE IT MY REALITY.
NOBODY IS GOINGTO READ A EMAIL AND PUBLISH ME. LOL
I'M EXCITED FOR CHANGE!
QUESTION OF THE DAY?
IS THERE A CHANGE THAT SCARES YOU?
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